Have You Hit the Pandemic "Wall"? If So You Are Not Alone!

It has been almost a year since as a country we were plunged into a lockdown that none of us could have imagined would still be happening today! In fact when my husband first for sent home from work on furlough "a word very few of us knew before the pandemic, myself included!", he joked about how I was going to cope having him home for 3 weeks....! Little did we know those weeks would turn into months and even almost a year. 

Yes there have been some changes and lifting of lockdown but ultimately the last year has been written off, full of sadness, worry and stress for so many. Of course no lockdown is ever going to be easy, we are staying at home to stay safe, to protect others and to do the right thing BUT that doesn't make it an easier to deal with in our minds and it's ok to admit your finding it hard, I certainly am! 

I would be lying if I told you I didn't find the summer lockdown super hard. But being able to get out in the garden, the novelty of being at home and not school was still exciting for the kids and we spent more time than ever as a family which was a lovely bonus of a tough situation. It felt long and lonely and we all worried about the uncertainty of the coming weeks and months as we struggled to get to grips with the pandemic. 

The summer lockdown might have been hard but honestly... I am finding this lockdown so much harder and from what I have read online I am not alone. Maybe it's the darker evenings and the fact that our daily walks take longer to wrap up for than we actually walk for. Perhaps its the fact that this time my husband is working throughout and I am trying to home school and work at the same time on my own. But in reality I think it is a loss of hope or lack of being able to see a light at the end of a tunnel that has really got my last time. 

During the first lockdown we all waited with baited breath on every televised conference. Hoping it would be good news, hoping for a way out. But right now it feels like all of that lockdown was for nothing because here we are, 1 year later in another national lockdown with shockingly worse figures than the first time. 

Maybe it's because after so many different lockdowns, tiers and varying strategies it is beginning to feel like life before the pandemic may never return and that is a pretty sad thing to think isn't it. 

If like me you are finding it tough I want you to know you a re not alone. It is ok to have a cry, it's ok to want to scream and shout or even just sleep. It's hard to find motivation when it seems there is nothing to be motivated for. The "pandemic wall" is real and it feels like I am stood right in front of it, staring up at its intimidating brick structure with no way around, over or under it.  

There are only so many zoom calls, waving at friends through closed windows and reminding yourself "safe at home not stuck at home" that we can do. I look at my kids and I am in awe of their strength and resilience. The world as they know it swept from under them along with their friends, school and all the things kids love. Yet they adapt and they are strong and honestly in all of this our kids have shown us just how even more amazing they are than we all already knew. And yes I know its all for a reason, to protect others, to save lives and that is exactly why we are all holding in there because we want to make a difference, because we want this all to end. But that doesn't mean we can't find it hard. 

For me I am just taking each day as it comes, clinging on to a tiny bit of hope that a vaccine may slowly see a glimmer of hope begin to appear and enjoy all the Outdoorsy Days we have come to love. I try to remind myself of how good it will feel to go on holiday, to see the kids laughing and running with their friends, how much I will miss the kids (and maybe even my husband a little) when the monotony of school, work and clubs returns.

So for now I just want you to know, if you are finding it tough you are not alone. 

xXx