On Those Days When You Wonder How To Keep Going...

You know those weeks, the ones where it feels like you only have to wake up in the morning for something to go wrong? That's basically been my week this week and I can't lie I am exhausted. Im stressed, crying at the smallest things and its left me contemplating some decisions I have made recently too.

I think its often the case that one little thing going wrong seems to spiral into more things happening and even when you try to stay positive, it can be pretty tricky when it feels like every time you get to your feet someone comes along to push you down.

At the beginning of this week our car broke down, in spectacular fashion with weird grinding noises coming from the bonnet right outside of the school gates! Of course I then had to sit and wait for the AA to come out and tow our car to the garage my husband works at. When the AA got out to me they discover that not only is the car broke, the lock for the bonnet is broke too so they can't even open it to try and get it started.

Then they get it to the garage and have to cut off the grill to the front of the car to open it (more money!) and things just kept getting worse. Basically it could be a number of issues, all equally pricey (aren't cars always!?) and it meant we have been without a car all week too. Of course I was suitable unprepared with having no shopping in the house and totally unsuitable footwear for the long walk home and back to school.

Stupidly when I chose a school I hadn't factored in being without a car and so its at least a 40 minute walk each way to the kids school. I am sure you can image how "enthusiastic" the kids were when I told them we would be walking. By the second day of walking I had blisters all over my feet and Evelyn's legs were throbbing and hurting as soon as we started walking thanks to her hypermobility.

I felt awful this morning on our third day of walking to school as she was so upset. Her legs were aching and we had only got about 5 minutes into our journey! I tried to carry her but she is pretty heavy now at almost 5 and along with all the school bags and water bottles I was carrying it just felt impossible. We eventually made it to school this morning all a little teary and stressed but we made it, a victory even if it didn't feel like one!

We seemed to have bills coming out of our eyeballs right now (as I am sure lots of you can relate too)and just when it seems like we are getting to a position where we can start putting some money aside for savings, BAM something else goes wrong or something else needs paying for and it feels like we are back at square one.

I read a saying a few weeks back on Facebook that said "You can't pour from an empty cup" and this week that has really struck home. That's exactly how I am feeling, like that empty cup. Trying to get by but with nothing left in the tank, but not wanting to show it or admit it. The car, the money, the bills the upset children who I can do nothing to help.

I went to bed last night and just cried, I needed to get all that stress and emotion out and it was the only way I knew how. I felt like I had let the kids down and as parents we want to protect them, wrap them up in bubble wrap and right now it feels like I can't do that. Then I remembered the quote above and realised I needed to give myself a bit of a reality check and some kindness.

Yes its crap that the car is broke but there are people out there who have no car in the first place!

Yes bills are rubbish, we all know that and we all wish we didn't have them but that's just life.

Yes Evelyn is sad and its really crappy that she is so sad but we got through it, she has walked into school with no tears this week and has come out happy. We have got through the walking even if it has been tough for her but we did, in school on time every single day.

Yes being a parent is hard and its ok to feel sad, mad, happy, angry, frustrated, stressed and all the feelings we ever feel. Its ok to go to bed and cry if that's what you need to do. But then we have to pull on our parent pants and just do it, even when it is hard.

I found out this week I have some truly lovely friends who really do care, offering help, lifts when they could and even offering us to use their car! It really brought it home to me that sometimes we all end up in situations we rather we weren't and sometimes it feels like we are all trying to pour from that empty cup.

Its just about trying to take the positives from the situation, giving ourselves some time to validate how we are feeling and then saying right, lets do this!